I take a lot of things for granted.
I take a lot of things for granted; my family, my belongings, the house I live in, the friends I have, the amazing opportunities that I’m able to receive in life, etc., there’s so much to name. I take so much of it for granted. Majority of the time, I don’t even really think of others or how good I have it. All I really do is complain, nag, get depressed…yeah, it can go on. What’s the point, though? I have so much more than other people do. I can do so much more if I applied myself and used my resources and stopped dragging my life around as if it was some type of sack. Although, sure, everyone has their rough spots in life, I should just move on and forget about everything, right? It seems so easy to say, but it’s so hard to do. What the fuck am I supposed to do when I’ve been hurt so many times that I can’t trust anyone? What am I supposed to do when I can’t talk to anyone like how I used to? What am I supposed to do when the only way I can talk to people without feeling terrible about myself is by making jokes and acting like I don’t give a shit? I give lots of fucking shits and I seriously don’t mean half the things I say. You’ll know when I’m serious about something, and you’ll know when I’m joking. But seriously, there are reasons for the things I say because not everything is pointless and not everything is meaningless. I may over-exaggerate, I may have “a lot” to offer in life, but that doesn’t mean I’m not unhappy. A lot of the times, I wish for less things in life—which is a bit odd. But it’s because I want things to be simple; easy. Things are so difficult and annoying and mind rattling that I really can’t stand it anymore. I want things to end and I want things to start over again. I want the ones close to me to realize the wrongdoings they’ve done and just make up and be cool with each other so we can all be happy again. But sadly it won’t happen, and I’ll accept that. These bitter feelings will always linger—but I shouldn’t complain about that much. It’s okay for me to want things, isn’t it? Even though I supposedly have so much, and even though sometimes I feel it isn’t enough.
I’ve given up.
I’ve given up on a lot of things in the past few months. I’ve given up on him, I’ve given up on her, and basically I’ve just given up on all the things I’ve tried to mend together. I don’t want to be the bigger person anymore. This year, this time, I’m going to just wait for the other person to come to me first. I shouldn’t have to. I did nothing wrong. I don’t want to mend a friendship that only has one string that I have to hold. I’m letting go of the string—and unless that so-called “friend” ties that string around my wrist, I don’t give a fuck if we never talk ever again. They’re not worth it if they’re too afraid to talk to me, too scared of getting hurt, or too immature to get over something that didn’t happen. The worst thing out of all of this, though, is that giving up means I’m fucking giving up. I’m throwing in the towel. I’m never going to look back again. Sometimes, forgetting is a good thing. But a lot of the times I question myself. Did I do the right thing?
But it’s too late for any of that shit anyways. It’s done and over and I don’t feel like caring or stressing about it anymore. I have more important things to worry about; more important things to spend my time on.
I’ve given up.
He pulled me aside to talk the other day.
And basically, he said close to almost nothing. I’m truly disappointed in him. I really actually wish that he had the balls to maintain our friendship after all we’ve been through. Yeah, sure. I may be harsh to him and I may say the meanest things to him. I may act demanding around him and I may seem like a total bitch when he’s in my presence. But the thing is that I can’t help it. He makes me want to strangle him and he literally annoys me every time he speaks. It’s no joke. He’s just an idiot. He’s clueless. And he doesn’t know a thing about me—though I thought he did considering I classified him as one of my closest friends. Honestly, he doesn’t know how to put words together. He’s a hoot over the phone and over texts. He can make me laugh and cry that way. But in real life, he’s a dick and a douche and I just want to kick him in the shins. He acts like such an idiot and the way he says things? Absolutely infuriating. I would never go out with a guy like him—I already knew that months ago, but now I’m finally saying it out loud. He really needs a slap in the face to wake up from his stupid dreams. I wish he could just see that obviously I’m mad at him. I wish he’d try figuring things out himself instead of asking me for it. That’s what makes me pissed off the most.
When people can’t do things for themselves.
I’m a bit disappointed with this school year, honestly.
Nothing has really happened that’s been exciting.
There’s no one that I particularly like.
I haven’t met anyone relatively new.
Yeah. I don’t know. I think I just expected too much out of high school.
I want to be confident and beautiful.
(Source: blogsecret)
(Source: seunghorr)
The SHINee revolution
sob
minho’s cute reaction after they kissed
fml
my teenage heart can’t handle this
JongHo kiss and Minho’s reaction
(Source: thehunimnidaa)
Can I just spazz over Jongho right now?
First of all, this fancam made me squeel. It made my heart flutter and omfg to see my OTP kiss? That’s a fucking dream.
Ever since I first started liking Jongho, I thought their relationship was cute. The one where they’ll always be there for each other…mentally and physically. I saw them as a couple. More than Jongkey which was my first SHINee OTP, and more than 2MIN. Jongkey—to me—seems like the best friend type of relationship. They’re best friends that’ll always support each other, but they do get sick of each other and make fun of each other and joke around a lot. That’s what friends do. For 2MIN, I see it as like…a brotherly thing. Idk. I feel like they take care of each other well. Like family.
But with Jongho it’s so fucking different. I see Jjong as the super tease. The one who messes with Minho cause he’s older, but then gets scared cause Minho’s taller and can do some crazy shit to him LOL. So he teases. And Minho is like the protective one. He seems to always be right next to Jjong when he’s crying. He seems to always want to be there for his hyung. He wants to keep him safe and happy, right? But then Minho also loves to tease. Because he’s taller and even though he’s younger, he can mess with Jonghyun too.^^ This is why I love their relationship. Lmao. It’s so playful and amusing. They’re both very manly men and I absolutely adore the scenes I can conjure up about them when they’re alone in a room together and getting it on. It’s not only fun to think about, but it’s fucking sexy as hell. I mean…two super uber manly dominant men trying to dominate the other? Okay. Just…that’s already too much. (; I also see their relationship as very loving, though. Like, they’ll do everything for each other. They’re all part of SHINee, but they’re also all connected to each other. In SHINee, every member will do something for the other without a second thought. They’re all so very close. But when I talk about Jongho, it’s different. It’s more than that. And you can think I’m just delusional and I think too much about it, but no. That’s not true. I may watch my OTP and fangirl if they do something together, but I don’t take it seriously most of the time. That’s the lovely part about a OTP. It’s someone’s own opinion and they can do anything about it. I love to laugh and squeel about it because it makes me happy. I don’t necessarily think Jongho is a lie, but I don’t think it’s 100% real, either.
But I do think that Jongho is an amazing OTP. And, it’ll forever be my OTP. I love Jongho. I love Jonghyun, and I love Minho. And I love the idea of them being together. I love every aspect and angle of Jongho. And, well, they make me happy.
Please visit Jjonghoeing, my other blog, for other Kpop posts. This is my personal blog, and Jjonghoeing is my new Kpop blog. Thank you.^^
-shameless advertising lol-
(Source: ambuhzoid)
(Source: youjustinspiredme)
nothing is what it seems apparantly xD
omg lmao
